Some say he’s not human. Some say he’s a writing machine sent from the future to populate the theatres with a variety of films that would boggle the casual mind. Others say he is a genetic mutation, capable of producing works at a rate that have driven Friedberg and Seltzer insane. And yet others claim that he is a producer from a planet in another galaxy run by talking dogs, compelled to prepare us for their inevitable invasion.
A couple things are known, though. His name is Pedro and his works take home a lot of HTG cash.
Pedro of Baseball Mogul Productions has an upcoming film called War Dogs with Ship of Fooles. The movie is using the War Baldwin Brothers award to help with costs. Because of this and because of the large casts that war movies usually have, the featured players total an impressive 31.
The story starts out as the United States is bombed. The President has no idea who bombed his country, so he wages war on every single nation in the world. No American humans want to fight in this war, so the government is forcing talking dogs to fight. It is up to the dogs to fight an unjust war for us. PETA won’t be happy.
The two main cast members are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who play two of the dogs, as well as It’s Always Me star Rashida Jones. Something Pedro said he wouldn’t ever do was cast Megan Fox or Lindsay Lohan in a movie. But he did it with War Dogs, as they play two more of the canine cast.
Pedro is also known for using several of the same people in his casts. Amy Adams returns to her role of Sunshine the dog. Elle Fanning plays another dog named Little One. Paul Leyden and Nicholas Lea team up again with Pedro and play the “Pawn” dogs in the war. James Marsters also teams up with Pedro once again, playing a dog named Auggie. Clive Owen plays himself in the film and Debra Messing plays Pedro’s wife, as she has done this in the past. And, as if there would be any doubt, Pedro plays himself and Parker Posey takes on the role of Amy the Dog… again.
Neil Patrick Harris is also in the film as Chance, a homosexual dog. NPH will also appear in an upcoming film of Pedro’s as a serial killer known as Dirk Shingler.
And, as the Billy Mays would shout, there’s more!
Pedro has two films coming out this Friday. Originally, And F*** You Too was scheduled for a June 19th release date, but rumor has it that Lake Hope Features chief Quantum held back on Goose’s Amateurball after not receiving creative in time. Instead, And F*** You Too was bounced up to June 5th. Oddly enough, this date will see the release of not one, but two movies featuring the Luke Perry role of Roads Masterson. The 90210 has Luke Perry playing Roads instead of himself or his 90210 character. In the film he is hired to protect the cast of the new show from Jason Priestley, who is intent on killing them. In And F*** You Too, Roads is hired to save the President and rid Washington D.C. of zombies and vampires.
Future cyborg? Mutant? Or canine friendly alien? Whatever form Pedro has assumed, one thing is for certain… No matter where you turn, you’ll be able to experience something from the mind of HTG’s most prolific author. Cha!
