Wrestling News From the Pint-Sized Expert
Hi, it’s me again, your number one professional wrestling correspondent in all of HTG. I may be young, but I’ve done a few of these reports now. And I’ve turned up a few more things.
TCW held focus groups recently to gauge reaction to Raven as a the new color commentator for TCW. My big sister says those are people that get asked how something is, so they can change it if they have to. I guess that makes sense. I managed to find one of those focus group guys and here are some snippets of dialogue he managed to remember.
AZARIA: Well I suppose I should welcome my new broadcast partner, the man they call Raven.
RAVEN: Damn right you should welcome me. I’m here to save this show from the sea of mediocrity it’s announce desk was swimming in. Try to keep up.
***
AZARIA: Those Clubbing Blows to Pete’s back can’t feel good.
RAVEN: It’s official. You’re an imbecile.
***
AZARIA: Folks, tonight we’ll see The Caribbean Connection defend their titles against former champions Law and Order.
RAVEN: Who have no chance. Without some blonde tart to distract their opponents with her mammary glands they never win a match.
***
AZARIA: I see you’re caught up on TCW history.
RAVEN: Surprised to be working with someone competent?
***
AZARIA: Bryan using that Giant Swing.
RAVEN: We could replace you with Wikipedia.
***
AZARIA: If it were up to the crowd Liberty would win tonight.
BUBB: Unless it’s a Fans Bring Weapons match nothing is ever up to the crowd.
Man, that Raven guy sure is a grouch. I guess if you can’t be in the ring, you’ve got to do something else to make you stand out. And Raven stands out as a meanie.
I was walking around in the arena the other day and I heard that Ritchie guy say something unkind about Lance Storm. Someone pointed out to Ritchie that if Storm found out, there’d be a beating. Ritchie high tailed it to the commisary and downed a bunch of hot wings. What that has to do with Lance Storm punching him out, I don’t know.
BLZ Bubb told Rogue Net chief Lucian Carter that if people didn’t like his name, they could all suck it. He then punched a hole in the plaster wall of Lucian’s arena office and walked off. Man, that was scary.
Law and Order says they have a secret plan to get back their belts. I’m going to have to keep a close eye on them.
That’s all I have for now. I’ll be back when I hear some more stuff. Hopefully my mom doesn’t notice my grades slipping in math and reading. I’d have to study more and not get to come hang out at the arena as often. Moms just don’t understand, you know?
