Archives: What’s Happening in HTG Town

With so many people in HTG Hollywood to chose from for a limited number of movie and television roles, a lot of talents are overlooked. They have bills to pay, too, so sometimes these unused talents will drop by the Talent HQ to post a notice on the new talent bulletin board.

“It’s a small service we offer here” stated HTG Talent Coordinator Marlowe. “We have the board just to the right as you come in to the building. So far we have some good posts. We’ll probably get more as time goes on and the ones there get taken. I hope that it provides something good for everyone involved.”

Other offers exist across the HTG map. You never know when something new has been added. It never hurts to explore when you have the spare time and you’re looking for a special deal.

An inside source at Miracle Pictures Studio has mentioned that a replacement for former mayor Chris Harmer has been found for the upcoming sequel to Peaches and Cream, titled Sausage and Eggs. Rambo himself, Sylvester Stallone. The 62-year-old has had a long dry spell in HTG Hollwood, only appearing in one project. By coincidence, that is Puneet, Lucian Carter’s convenience store comedy of 2007. And it is Lucian who produced Peaches and Cream.

“Unfortunately,” stated the studio insider, “Lucian isn’t aboard the SNE movie. We just couldn’t reach an agreement with him that was mutually beneficial. With Lucian now out of the picture, it looks like we’ll have to find someone else to write the film. Hopefully we’re not getting too far ahead of ourselves by making casting choices already.”

Although a final script has not been written, the general idea of SNE is similar to that of PNC. In “Sausage”, Stallone will portray an older successful man who develops a relationship with a younger man. Whether the relationship matures into something more has not been determined. In the second part of the film, “Eggs”, the romance will involve two females.

“With the overwhelming success of Peaches and Cream” concluded the MP worker, “We’re looking to get involved with more projects like this.”

Lucian Carter could not be reached to comment on this story.

With the reissuing of Lucian Carter’s comedy Secret Insurance Agent Man, the producer/studio chief discovered that shooting was much more relaxed than before. Cast and crew were often the victims and pullers of practical jokes.

“During previous incarnations of SIAM,” explained a Ship of Fooles employee, “Will Ferrell wore a moustache. For this go-round, he was clean shaven. Occassionally Will would have makeup give him a moustache and see how long it would take for someone to notice. Our director, Raja Gosnell, went an hour one day before he caught on. He was steamed for a bit, but we all ended up having a good laugh.”

It wasn’t Ferrell’s common antics that took Lucian most by surprise, though.

“One day Lucian returned to his office on the lot,” continued the SoF staff member. “And there, sitting on his favorite chair, was Drew Barrymore, naked as a jaybird. Lucian was speechless. Drew decided not to toy with him for too long, probably because SIAM is the only work she’s had outside of Blinded by an Apple back in 2006. You don’t want to freak out prospective employers too much.”

Lucian has not returned any calls yet concerning this encounter.

Secret Insurance Agent Man enters buzz voting this Friday.

After a week of heated negotiations, Miracle Pictures Studio has announced that they have sold exclusive rights to two films in its library to two separate television networks. Fox has purchased the TV rights to A Conversation About Mark, while HBO has bought TV rights for Another Conversation About Mark. The two nets have promised to show the two movies in a cooperative “All Mark Weekend” sometime this year.

“It’s been a good week for all of us” stated a rep from MP. “More people will be exposed to the awesomenessosityitude that is Mark Chua. Say what you will about him, the award-winning producer is the jizz, yo.”

“I don’t get it” remarked a movie goer at a local cinema. “With so many other films out there, why the Mark Chua ones? It’s all about the green, I bet. Someone’s making a fortune here. I just wish it was me.”

Fox and HBO will announce the date of the “All Mark Weekend” some time in the near future.

Apparently it’s official. Mayor Megan Fox and predecessor Chris Harmer are no longer an item, according to an insider at city hall. Although their recent “extreme sports” vacation in the desert was thought to bring the two closer than ever, the insider has stated “The relationship has run its course. It’s completely amicable, though. They are remaining friends.”

Others have mentioned that the two are focusing on their careers now more than ever. Mayor Fox is looking at leading HTG Hollywood for the remainder of the year, plus starring in many HTG projects (thanks in part to bonuses for hiring her). Harmer is accepting film roles and looking for “the perfect nacho.”

The advertisement for The Good, The Bad and The Harmer 3 continues. Further rumors have the ex-mayor preparing for filming the return of the western hero.

“I know Marcotte and Spade are eager” said a movie insider at a recent screening at an HTG cinema. “It’s not like they’re getting a lot of work otherwise.”

Hi, it’s me again, your number one professional wrestling correspondent in all of HTG. I may be young, but I’ve done a few of these reports now. And I’ve turned up a few more things.

TCW held focus groups recently to gauge reaction to Raven as a the new color commentator for TCW. My big sister says those are people that get asked how something is, so they can change it if they have to. I guess that makes sense. I managed to find one of those focus group guys and here are some snippets of dialogue he managed to remember.

AZARIA: Well I suppose I should welcome my new broadcast partner, the man they call Raven.

RAVEN: Damn right you should welcome me. I’m here to save this show from the sea of mediocrity it’s announce desk was swimming in. Try to keep up.

***

AZARIA: Those Clubbing Blows to Pete’s back can’t feel good.

RAVEN: It’s official. You’re an imbecile.

***

AZARIA: Folks, tonight we’ll see The Caribbean Connection defend their titles against former champions Law and Order.

RAVEN: Who have no chance. Without some blonde tart to distract their opponents with her mammary glands they never win a match.

***

AZARIA: I see you’re caught up on TCW history.

RAVEN: Surprised to be working with someone competent?

***

AZARIA: Bryan using that Giant Swing.

RAVEN: We could replace you with Wikipedia.

***

AZARIA: If it were up to the crowd Liberty would win tonight.

BUBB: Unless it’s a Fans Bring Weapons match nothing is ever up to the crowd.

Man, that Raven guy sure is a grouch. I guess if you can’t be in the ring, you’ve got to do something else to make you stand out. And Raven stands out as a meanie.

I was walking around in the arena the other day and I heard that Ritchie guy say something unkind about Lance Storm. Someone pointed out to Ritchie that if Storm found out, there’d be a beating. Ritchie high tailed it to the commisary and downed a bunch of hot wings. What that has to do with Lance Storm punching him out, I don’t know.

BLZ Bubb told Rogue Net chief Lucian Carter that if people didn’t like his name, they could all suck it. He then punched a hole in the plaster wall of Lucian’s arena office and walked off. Man, that was scary.

Law and Order says they have a secret plan to get back their belts. I’m going to have to keep a close eye on them.

That’s all I have for now. I’ll be back when I hear some more stuff. Hopefully my mom doesn’t notice my grades slipping in math and reading. I’d have to study more and not get to come hang out at the arena as often. Moms just don’t understand, you know?

Being in charge of a movie studio has its perks. Quantum of Lake Hope Features has discovered that with the production of 8 Kilos, the new Safron picture opening this Friday. Actress Kat Dennings has not left the LHF chief’s side. Although Q wasn’t willing to discuss his relationship with the 8 Kilos performer, he was more than willing to provide information concerning the film.

Director: DJ Caruso
Stars: Paul Dano, Emile Hirsch, Ryan Reynolds, Woody Harrelson, Kat Dennings, Edi Gathegi, Tyler Hoechlin and Michael K. Williams.

When 19 year old cocaine user FRANKIE JACOBSON (Paul Dano) witnesses a murder, Frankie has to go to extremes to keep himself and his girlfriend LILY (Kat Dennings) alive. However, when it turns out that one of the killers’ father (Woody Harrelson), is the Chief of Police, and corrupt at that, Frankie attempts to flee. Yet, when he is framed for his mother’s murder, Frankie is faced with one of two choices: Take down those who are against him or die trying.

Quantum surprised us at the Happening office with an exclusive sneak peek of the film!

EXT.OUTSIDE OF APARTMENT BUILDING

FRANKIE (Paul Dano) stands in the corner of his street, DRAKE (Edi Gathegi) African America walks towards Frankie, and he wears a heavy jacket and jeans.

DRAKE
What the fuck, man! Its 5am!

FRANKIE
Sorry, man, I’m in need.

DRAKE
This is bullshit!

FRANKIE
What?

DRAKE
Man, you and that fine piece of ass Lily both have a problem, dragging my ass to the most dangerous place in New York for some Coke!

FRANKIE
I’m still in need dickhead Just give me the bag.

DRAKE
There you go, you junkie!

Drake hands over a small bag of Cocaine.

DRAKE
Pay me, motherfucker.

Two gunshots are heard. Frankie and Drake turn around to see that the gunshots are from the street around the corner.

DRAKE
Fuck that man; keep the money and the coke. I’m out!

Drake turns around and runs down the street. Frankie walks towards the corner of the street; he turns to see Ben holding a gun pointed down on Eric and Sam looks down at Eric smiling.

FRANKIE
Shit.

SAM (Emile Hirsch) notices Frankie.

SAM
Ben!

Sam points at Frankie, and BEN (Tyler Hoechlin) takes notice as well and shoots towards Frankie, but Frankie runs back into his street, and he runs towards his apartment building and enters as police sirens are heard in the background.

SAM
Let’s go Ben.

8 Kilos, a Lake Hope Features release of a Safron production, opens Friday.

After a short absence from the HTG limelight, reporter Carson Daily has returned with a new article on his self-titled HTG info site. A new scene from the upcoming film Our Mutual Friend 2 is highlighted, making it the third news source publicizing the film.

“We knew Carson was back in town” stated a Flip Brothers Studio spokesman. “We thought we’d give him a holler so that he could get the Daily back with a bang. Each HTG news site has something different to offer its readers, attracting a wide variety of people wanting news on things HTG. We’re wanting to spread the word about OMF2 as far as we can. This might be the producer’s best work to date.”

A quick text was sent to Carson about his time off: “Hey dude, where ya been?”

Oddly, the reply was: “Not surfing.”

Our Mutual Friend 2, a Flip Brothers release of a Baseball Mogul film, opens Friday.

Mayor Megan Fox has been tapped to star in But Alas Pictures’ April comedy B.A. Mofo(s). She will be joined by Alan Tudyk, Eddie Izzard, Elizabeth Banks, and Craig Robinson, with direction by Ben Stiller. According to the producer:

In the not-so-distant future, President Jena Bush (Fox) declares war on France after discovering a hair at the bottom of her Olive Garden take-out. A squad of B.A. MoFo(s) is tasked with defending the President’s last remaining private spa behind enemy lines.

“It’s a pretty good idea to cast the mayor in roles this year” stated a city official. “As long as she’s in charge of HTG Hollywood, there are bonuses to use her. Plus, with various awards and mentions at the mayor’s office downtown, her worth to a film is exceptional. Indeed this is Mayor Fox’s year.”

B.A. Mofo(s) will be released on April 10 by Lake Hope Features.

Although the EIC is dying to rant about the subject, he will merely point to this site that provides a short quiz that people in HTG should take to heart. Also, googling “difference between your/you’re to/too their/there/they’re its/it’s” would do many people in the community a world of good.

End of no-rant rant.