Archives: What’s Happening in HTG Town

Being the opinioned individual that I am, I would be remiss if I didn’t sound off on the current mayoral election. Now, before you think that this is just some endorsement for my campaign, it’s not. I’ll leave those to the candidates that need them. I just like being paid for expressing my views, and considering that no one else is writing anything about the campaign, I may as well help give an overview to help all those undecided sheep that need someone to tell them who to vote for.

Let’s start off with the Orange Party. We have our incumbent Mayor Harmer and veteran actor Morgan Freeman. Personally, I’m at odds with Harmer. On one hand he’s not saying anything to promote himself, encourage your votes or anything at all. But at the same time he has others doing his campaigning for him. The dude has better things to do, ya, I like that. Guess he just let Bishop loose and wants to sit back and see the destruction from his office window as he sits in that damn chair of his (which will be mine!!!- oops, sorry). Then we have Mr. Freeman. Ok, the guy’s cool, I’ll give him that. But the guy’s old. Not only is he knocking on death’s door, he’s got his foot in it. The guy who played God is gonna be having lunch with him soon. Do we really need to worry about a Mayor that could die before the election is over? Wait a minute, that’s not a bad possibility. If he kicks it, we’ll have to vote in a new Mayor! So personally, I’d vote for Mr. Freeman just for the humor factor of him kicking it during office.

Then we have the Green Party. Sheesh, what can I say that isn’t already obvious. Both candidates are prime examples of politicians. Long winded, promise the world and spend to much time bickering. At first it was entertaining, then it quickly became annoying. Though it has settled down, the damage has been done. I really can’t take either of them seriously. At this point, both of them need to focus on being taken seriously rather than continuing to promise rainbows and sunshine. Because if any other candidate throws his hat in the Green Party, that person would most likely win by default. As it stands, I‘d flip a coin, but doubt either of them would make it past the primaries.

Then comes the Purple Party. And, to be honest, it’s the party I’m glad to be a part of. We have a chef with attitude, an actor with movie cred characters, and me. Granted, we don’t have Mr. Freeman, but we’ll do. This is a crew that could take on the Slacker Mafia and send them crying back to Papa Harmer.

Okay, we’ve got Gordon Ramsay. I had never heard of him before this election. I’ve caught an episode of his show and loved it. Hey, Cassy, take notes, darling. But seriously, a chef for Mayor? I want someone who’ll care about my movie, not if my omelet is cooked properly. Then there’s Mr. Blonde himself, Michael Madsen. If I wasn’t running, this is the guy I’d choose, by sheer force of his persona alone. Then there’s me. Well, like I said, this ain’t an endorsement, but I like the idea of a critic being Mayor. A studio head would be even better, but since one isn’t running, I’ll do. In the end, if I wasn’t running, I’d like to see a battle of character between Mr. Blonde and God and see which persona the citizens of HTG feel they would like to best represent them. Me, I’d take Michael over Mr. Freeman.

Well, hope that helped all you undecided or fence sitters. As it stands, there is still time to nominate other possible candidates if you’re interested.

And, as a final note, I don’t think I’ve seen the message board so active since that Thunderdome thing when I first showed up. Regardless of who wins, it’s been fun so far.

What’s Happening in HTG Town will no longer be silenced. It’s time to get the truth on the table.

Let’s review. Some weeks ago, the body of a blonde woman was found washed up on the southern shore of our city. It was identified to be that of Tara Reid-Bishop, wife of Island of Terror and Our Gang Fan Club Treasurer owner Bryan Bishop. Surprisingly, Bishop had not ventured off of his island home to lay claim to the body. And, even more mysterious, the HTG Hollywood Coroner was staying mum on the death details. Soon after we found out that it was because of an order from Mayor Chris Harmer.

Fast forward to a week later. Tara Reid is discovered in Mexico, partying with friends and her half-hearted boob job. She doesn’t wish to return to HTG Hollywood to help clear up matters. Bishop remains mum. So does the coroner and Mayor Harmer’s office.

The investigation by the Happening staff continued, despite a sternly worded letter from the Harmer people. An inside source provided some much need information to keep the plot going… The woman was a dead ringer, forgive the pun, for Mrs. Reid-Bishop. Had Bryan Bishop paid someone to have cosmetic work to duplicate his vacationing wife? An unknown twin?

The insider has stated that a DNA comparison is being made, but will take some more time. The Happening staff anxiously awaits to see if the result will be announced or if a complete cover-up will be made. Who is pulling the strings… Bishop or Harmer? We will not stop until we know, despite any warning by Mayor Harmer’s people.