Archives: What’s Happening in HTG Town

Ok, I’m not one to watch TV, much less cooking shows, but I’ve been checking out Cooking with Cassy. I couldn’t immediately pinpoint what it was about the show that appealed to me, but as I watched, I noticed something. An overall feel to the show not immediately apparent, but lurking there in the back.

Now I wanted to be sure about this, so I went over to the set to see if I could get a quick interview and either confirm or put my speculation to rest. Needless to say, my suspicions were dead on.

I found Cassy in the kitchen, cooking. What a surprise. I figured I’d give her a shot to prove me dead wrong and asked her what was the motivation behind the show.

“I do the cooking…. I figured, if I’m doing this anyway, I might as well make it a show…. but then that’s my role.”

Unfortunately, I missed some stuff as she kept moving around trying to cook for Ed and getting her cats fed. Well, at least she can multi-task.

But what about the treatment of Ed? Seems like Cassy wears the pants in the show. When I asked her about her husband, she just smiled saying,

“It was actually Ed’s idea to have that role,… “

Interesting, but before I could delve further she replied,

“but you should probably talk to Ed directly. “

Wow, I had to say it was refreshing to meet a woman who not only knew her role, but also knows not to speak for her man. Well, I figured I got all I needed from Cassy, so I went into the living room where I found Ed relaxing, watching TV.

After introducing myself, I explained how I was curious about his role on the show and that, according to Cassy, it was actually his idea. Ed simply laughed and was kind enough to explain.

“…the Ed character on the show is not me, but an actor who lives in our building who plays me on the show. You see, Cassy is very self-conscious about how great she has it with me, and she doesn’t want to rub everybody’s noses in it. To not only be smart and attractive, but to have a husband so incredibly handsome and manly that he has appeared in GQ forty-seven times, in addition to being one of the greatest minds on the planet, would be incredibly threatening to the mere mortals who populate HTG. So she got some poor schlep actor who looks like my aunt Petunia, and probably hasn’t broken through because he looks EXACTLY like my aunt Petunia, to play me. And he does it for some of the food she cooks on the show, because it’s about the only hot meal he ever gets outside of Top Ramen. I really do feel sorry for the guy. “

Well, that pretty much clinched it for me. And proved my suspicions that Cassy is the Kitty Foreman of cooking hosts, and Ed has found some shmuck to giver her an outlet that allows her to vent the Mary Tyler Moore in her. Kudos, Ed, kudos.

I wondered if the show taking place in his home was distracting, but it seems that Ed lets them know when they start disturbing him.

“…I’ll hear them in the kitchen, and I’ll just blurt something out. Like ‘Hey, Kung-Fu Matt Damon, you should do that thing they did with you on Team America. It’ll be a hoot!’”

And apparently things quiet down enough so that Ed can continue on with his writing. That was pretty much all I needed to hear when Cassy came in and asked if I’d mention that Clooney was appearing in the second part of her season finale. Now if you watched the show, you knew that Cassy is a fan of Clooney and I wondered how Ed felt about him doing the show. Ed gave a wry smile, saying he simply went up to Clooney saying,

“Hey, Clooney. You were a better Batman than Keaton or Kilmer or Bale, but if you try dry-humping my wife one more time in there, I will send you to the emergency room.”

And apparently that was enough to keep Clooney in line. Ed then began rambling something about humanity unable to measure up to him and something about a cult, but I pretty much lost any interest in what he had to say after saying Clooney was a better Batman than Keaton.

For legal reasons (and to cover my ass), a copy of the transcripts from this interview is available upon request so that you don’t think I made this stuff up.

In case you’ve been living on an island somewhere, shunned by the rest of humanity and living in a world of your own, you probably know that the HTG Awards 7 is taking place this Saturday. And if you didn’t, well you do now. How’s that for informative journalism. So get your best designer label picked out, or whatever’s clean, because unlike other award shows, they will actually let you in.

Now, I like award shows as much as the next guy, as long as the next guy likes getting hit in the crotch with a baseball bat. But seeing as how HTG Town is filled with ego-driven, attention seekers, grasping at whatever notice or recognition they can get their grubby little hands on, this award show and its results are probably foremost on your mind. So since I need the money, I may as well pander to the common denominator and do a little something on it. And I hope you appreciate it, ‘cause I had to spend the last few nights watching the films nominated to do this. Granted, I fast forwarded thru most of them, but I got the jist of them. And even though it’s common knowledge that award shows are fixed. Hey, let’s just say I find it fishy when all the winners always seem to have aisle seats. Want to give my view on the various categories.

Best Picture - May as well start with the big one. Having checked out previous winners, it was pleasantly surprising to see that past winners were so varied in their genre. But seeing as how a Horror or Sci-fi picture has never won, gonna go with the averages and pass on Eighth Circle and Ghost Story. As for Batman, ya, sure. And as far as I could see, The Projectionist was nominated probably just to round out the genres. But it can always boast it got a nomination. Which leaves Kansas and The Last Round. Seeing as how Kansas was made by 10,000 Cases Productions, as well as the aforementioned Ghost Story, I’d have to say that having 2 nominated films could sway votes and leave Kansas as the winner.

Best New Producer – Don’t know ‘em, don’t care, and other than the two producers listed, no one else probably does either.

Best Producer – To be honest, I see only 2 producers being reasonable possibilities. O ne being Top Hat Productions for The Projectionist. Seeing as how the movie will most likely be passed over for Best Picture. Top Hat could get sympathy votes. However, 10,000 Cases Productions has half of the films nominated for best picture and if that’s not a reason to be considered Best Producer, I don’t what is.

Best Director – Like a lot of other categories, I figure this is pretty much a crap shoot, or will most likely be based on personal preferences by the various elite who know better than the rest of us mere mortals. So I’ll just pick a name from this hat and go with Robert Zemeckis.

Best Short Film – Not really sure how this category even made it for this year considering our choices are a sequel, a biker flick and one that no one probably saw or knew about. So I’m gonna have to go with the lesser of the evils and say Destiny will win by default.

Best Adapted Screenplay – Cobraaaa. Oh ya, G.I. Joe all the way baby.

Best Original Screenplay – Though The Eighth Circle had one of the most original bases for a sci-fi flick, the premise does not share the same accolade. A hot-shot lawyer taking on the more experienced older lawyer, is practically a sub-genre in and of itself. And a movie whose concept could be taken from an episode of Scooby-Doo pretty much takes out Ghost Story. Which leaves The Projectionist and Kansas as the only real contenders. Though The Projectionist has elements used before, it’s variation on the theme makes it stand as an original. And Kansas is original for reasons well deserved of its own. And I would have to go with either a tie, or a difference you could count on one hand.

Best Actor/Actress/Supporting Actor/Supporting Actress – Hate to break the fourth wall on this, but this is beyond even being subjective, so I won’t even bother. Besides, it’ll let me use the don’t care excuse for another category.

Best Poster – Found the choices for this category rather odd, for reasons I’ll explain in a sec. It’s just that most of those nominated didn’t seem that worthwhile, but seeing as how I’m not sure what other movie posters would have been eligible, I am unable to take advantage of making fun of this list by mentioning posters that would have probably been better choices. So I’m stuck only discussing the ones nominated. Considering the concept of The Projectionist and possible ways of taking advantage of it, simply going with a relatively shipshod collage type poster seemed a waste, and a curious inclusion in this category. Something Wicked This Way Comes is a nice clean poster, but doesn’t grab your attention, or even promote what the film could be or anything. I collect movie posters, none of which are biker movies, and there’s a reason not many other people collect them either. And as for Batman:To Thy Magic… How can you not have Batman on a poster for a Batman movie? Which leaves The Eighth Circle. Even if it wasn’t the only one left by default, this is a beautiful poster, and a shoe-in to win.

Best Site – Now I have no clue on the technical aspects involved to create a site. So though ones I consider nothing special, may really be technically superior to others, it’s the final product I’m looking at and judging my choice on. Now with that disclaimer out of the way… Other than the inclusion of music, Terminator: Reboot, has very little else to challenge the other nominations. Even though Pizza Tycoon has a lot to offer, the hide and seek aspect of it left me cold. Both Batman: To Thy Magic and The Man Who Would Have Rome are both nice, clean sites, are left in the dust by Star Wars Episode XI, which is by far the best one and has the most to offer, and would have been the clear winner except for the angle The Eighth Circle took. Which though plain and simple compared to all the rest and offered little of anything. Did however offer a visual and feel for the movie that helped bring the movie to life that the others could not.

Best Cast – Not really sure how to go on this one. Is it based on because they were the most appropriate actors for the roles given, or because they ended up becoming the best choice for the roles. Is it based on best use of TS, or best use of star power. Or is it all because I really think this is another breaking of the fourth wall, but with the added reasons already stated.

Best Advertising Campaign – Was never subjected to any of them, so can’t even comment.

Best Soundtrack – Pretty much same thing as for Best Cast, just replace actors with the word song. With the added fact that I don’t think Best Soundtrack should even be a category.

Best Cinematography – Never took any film classes, so wouldn’t know good cinematography from bad videography.

Best Creative Company – Well, my guess would be whomever worked on The Eighth Circle.

Best Journalist – Oh, definitely Marlowe. Detailed and informative articles, interesting read, everyone else is just a hack compared to him, blah, blah, blah. Hey, he’s buying this article; that’s pretty much a clincher for me.

Best Critic – Oh ya, well, just wait till next year.

After two months of inactivity, it looks like HTG Dirty is up and running again. Apparently the HTG news source has been handed over to a new EIC, Milton Q. Douchebag, PhD. Go ahead and hit the link to the upper right to catch Milt’s latest.

As for the whereabouts of the Dr. and Roger Sherbert, no word has been sent.

Police in HTG Hollywood say they have confiscated a tire iron belonging to Rogue Net/Ship of Fooles head Lucian Carter that was found in his carryon bag as he prepared to fly to back home to Canada via Hollywood Private Airlines. A representative for Chief of Police Carl Winslow stated that the TCW producer was cited for carrying a concealed weapon at the airport.

A spokesman from Ship of Fooles stated that the tire iron is a prop used during the production of Lucian’s hit TCW wrestling series on HTG TV. Apparently Lucian did not know that the tire iron was in the bag along with a few other “not dangerous” props.

Lucian was recently seen in HTG_Chat, apparently having made bail.

TCW Total Mayhem, the latest wrestling pay-per-view, is now in theatres.

One of HTG TV’s most innovative dramas will be going to court this week.

The season finale of Phil Smith’s original drama/sci-fi/comedy series Bright will be airing Wednesday evening at 9PM. The two-hour event will be tackling several very relevant social issues pertaining to criminal justice, most notably the controversy surrounding the death penalty. In the current story arc, mob wheelman Angelo Sabbatini has confessed to murdering the parents of the series’ titular protagonist, teenage superhuman Joshua Bright. While Sabbatini’s trial is in progress, fellow mobster Charles Kaiser and four accomplices have barricaded themselves inside a bank with over thirty hostages, including the governor’s daughter. Bright creator Phil Smith promises a thrilling resolution to the story arc while addressing “some of the thornier problems in the justice system today.”

Set in the city and suburbs of Columbus, Ohio and incorporating much of the area’s people and places, Bright definitely keeps its finger on society’s pulse by addressing the capital-punishment debate, an issue that has become prominent in the state and elsewhere in the Midwest after several high-profile capital crimes in the past year or two. If convicted of the Bright murders, Sabbatini could face the death penalty, a fact which several of the show’s main characters debate over in several scenes. Other issues are hinted at or directly addressed as well, such as prison overpopulation, criminal recidivism, and the ongoing struggle for balance between the rights of victims and the accused. This season finale looks to offer some intriguing social commentary in between gripping action sequences.

Don’t miss the season finale of Bright Wednesday night on Rogue Net.

With no release date established or artwork attempted, arthouse flick The Homecoming Dance has finally inked its director, Shades of God’s Sophia Copolla. Accompanying Brenden Fraser in the TLM Productions film are Mira Sorvino, Winona Ryder, Steve Zahn, Terry Crews and Catherine O’Hara.

“We decided to sign everybody and get them committed to the project,” reported TLM head Goose, who is releasing The Homecoming Dance through Lake Hope Features. “Q and I are looking at a September release, but right now we’re just getting the pieces together.”

The Homecoming Dance focuses on a man that returns home in hopes of reconnecting with the woman he thinks he should have married. It will be the third film cooperation between TLM Productions and Lake Hope Features of their six-picture deal.

A week ago it was reported in this HTG news source that the body of actress Tara Reid, wife of Island of Terror and Online Mary Kay Sales owner Bryan Bishop, had been found washed ashore on a southern beach. An inside source with the HTG Hollywood city government has informed this reporter that the body was not that of Reid-Bishop. According to the informant, the city medical examiner knowingly provided the wrong identity of the woman. A representative from the office of Mayor Chris Harmer is allegedly responsible for this.

Numerous questions arise. Why was the coroner asked to provide the false identification? Was Mayor Harmer in on the deed? Was Bryan Bishop not present at any time to identify the body himself, if not to make funeral arrangements? If obviously so, why did he not come forward with the truth? Why was this conspiracy enacted? Who is the dead woman? Where is Tara Reid-Bishop?

The answer to the last question is known. Ms. Reid was recently spotted in a bar at a resort in Mexico, too inebriated to keep her top from slipping down. Attempts to speak with the actress, her unhappy husband, the city medical examiner and Mayor Harmer have not been granted.

We at Happening will stay on top of this controversy until the truth is known.

Despite the delays from the fires mentioned before in this HTG news source, filming on “Oildale” wraps this week . It will be the first of six films between TLM Productions and Lake Hope Features.

“The short break actually worked in our favor,” TLM head Goose said. “We all got together and played golf, went out to lunch and really bonded. It all clicked from there.”

The next TLM/LHF collaberation, Taking Back the Day, finished casting this past weekend with the additions of Oded Fehr, Poppy Montgomery, Josh Duhemel and Chiwetel Ejiofor. The cast already includes Gerard Butler and Christina Ricci. It is scheduled to start filming in 2 weeks.

“This is going to be a great film,” stated Lake Hope chief Quantum with a smile. “We’ve got the right director with the right cast, plus we don’t anticipate anything holding us up.”

As far as that top secret blockbuster that’s in the works, the two men would only grin.

Oildale opens August 8 and Taking Back the Day August 29. Goose’s first HTG feature, the Miracle Pictures release Someone to Play With, is currently in theatres.