Archives: What’s Happening in HTG Town

Producer Goose has just confirmed that casting is finished and filming will begin next week on his first film with Lake Hope Features, Oildale.

“We’re very excited about this” remarked Goose. “I’m very happy about how things are moving along.”

With Michael Gondry directing, the cast includes Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds, Anne Hathaway and Allyson Hannigan.

“It didn’t take very long to find the right cast for this film. We just had to make sure everyone’s schedule was going to work,” Goose added. When asked what Oildale was all about, he replied “Oildale, to me, is a realistic version of Pretty Woman. It’s got a lot of humor mixed liberially with drama, and you’ve got a very heart-warming film.”

Oildale is set to open on August 1st.

The latest box office results have been released and the Ship of Fooles/Shamrock Productions film G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra brought in a whopping $82,348,381 in its first week. The news was a little shocking for two reasons: First, the reigning box office leader, Star Wars XI (from Flip Brothers Studio), had earned over $200 million in its first three weeks and did not look like it was going to be losing its momentum. Second, this was the first release by critic-turned-producer DCE. No one was more surprised that DCE himself.

“I was completely shocked when I saw the numbers,” DCE commented. “I was expecting it somewhere in the 50’s but nowhere near $82 million.”

How did Ship of Fooles studio head Lucian Carter react to the number?

“It was a nice opening for G.I. Joe” Lucian said with a smile. “We finally dethroned Star Wars.”

Star Wars was certainly a large obstacle to overcome, one Lucian had hoped to surpass a few weeks earlier with the much anticipated release of Halo. Due to editing errors, the film was not available for release and the date was left empty, allowing Star Wars to gain more momentum and box office revenues. (It has been recently announced that Halo is back on the schedule for August 1.)

This was a new position for DCE. He is usually one to watch the Critic Corner more closely than the Box Office results. So when asked about his critical average of 70.00, he seemed humble.

“I am actually okay with the scores. I mean, it is my first film. The reviewers have been very helpful and I will certainly take the advice as it was given. I am usually on the other end, dispensing advice, so it was kind of a weird feeling.”

With the G.I. Joe project behind him, DCE said that he was focusing on only one thing for the time being.

“Well, cars of course. I have a few plans with the money I will be getting.”

An anonymous fan of the TCW wrestling shows has delivered to the Happ offices something of value to all TCW fans… the most recent TCW Bible. The official source of information used to formulate all of the wrestling matches and behind-the-scenes activity, it’s not a small document… more than 8M in size. But, as the fan stated… “It’s, like, everything you need to know about TCW! The wrestlers! The announcers! Who has the belt! Who uses what moves and finishers! It’s… it’s… it’s so cool I wanna suplex myself!”

Calls to the Ship of Fooles office of Lucian Carter have not been returned as of press time to verify the authenticity of the document.

A source close to the Lake Hope Features’ film “American Dreams” has given us an exclusive first look at a banner promoting the film. Reportedly created by Corey, the banner shows the face of one of the cast members — a rather noticeable Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who has been busy lately.

Hoffman joins Tony Danza in the political drama from Fat Man Studios. It’s said that Phillip plays the lead character, President Joseph Blake, in the film. Although no summary has been released yet, the source did say that Quantum and Lawrence are going to keep it under raps until at least July 1st.

The source also said that Tony Todd has been cast in the film. He will be playing CIA Director Anthony Uright, an incredibly intimitating man who uncovers a major scheme… almost to0 late.

American Dreams is set to debut on July 18th.

Miracle Pictures has announced its newest release for HTG theatres — Someone to Play With, by new HTG resident Goose. Still in production, MP representatives have leaked the above teaser poster for the film.

“We’re tickled to have Goose and the entire TLM Productions team working with us” remarked a Miracle Pictures spokesman on Monday morning. “We hunted for the best feature to introduce this producer’s work; we’re lucky to have discovered Someone. Expect advertising to start soon.”

The studio is being tight-lipped concerning the casting for the film, though Jessica Alba is mentioned on the above artwork.

“Really, soon” the MP rep concluded.

With the first week of Terminator: Reboot coming to an end in HTG theatres, where does Flip Brothers Studio plan on taking the large sci-fi franchise?

“Reboot left things open,” explained an insider at the studio. “PJ has all sorts of ideas on where to go from here. We’ve already spoken with James Cameron to do a sequel some time in the future.”

The staff of Happening has been able to locate the following concept art for a possible new Terminator film:

Although no explanation accompanied the shot, we have a theory… Famed HTG Hollywood producer Mark Chua will finally return to his active role in the city, but now as an action star! Mysteriously absent from the social circles for the last several weeks, numerous HTG residents are worried about the award-winning producer.

“Perhaps he’s busy with other stuff” guessed one citizen. “I hear he’s upset about the growing mediocrity” posed another.

If Mark Chua is indeed taking a step into the world of acting, What’s Happening in HTG Town is fully behind him. Calls to the Flips have yet to be returned.

Terminator: Reboot, a PJ Flip production of a James Cameron film, is currently in theatres.

“Does anyone think casting Dolph Lundgren in a movie is all right?”

Such was a question asked in HTG_Chat recently by returning HTG resident Corey. Lundgren, whose only HTG credit includes 2006’s The Last Vampire, is currently 50 years old. Are his He-Man/Punisher days behind him?

The purpose of the query may have been revealed in Corey’s next statement.

“KrisGreet bought it (Iron Man) for me.”

With the limited amount of evidence available, can we assume that Corey intends to cast Lundgren in the Tony Stark role?

“We can’t comment on projects so far into pre-production” a representative of 21st Century Cat Pictures informed this reporter. As the owner of the Iron Man franchise, they naturally have tremendous say into what talent is involved with the superhero film.

“I’d like to see Robert Downey Jr. again” stated one chatter. “I think it would be funny to cast Edward Norton as Stark” said another.

21st CC promised more details concerning an Iron Man project when they became available.

Tony Danza, one of the members of the Hollywood Stars baseball team, will be leaving the club in order to film his part in the Lake Hope Features film American Dreams. American Dreams is to be produced by Lawrence, whose first HTG release will be The Last Round. Tony Danza’s departure from the team means that a replacement will be needed.

In American Dreams, Danza is set to play a top news reporter in Washington, D.C. Further casting announcements will be made in the future. A replacement for the Stars should be announced shortly.

It seems like is has been such a long time since I had produced a column that was so thought provoking, so thought-inducing, and so much of an attention grabber that the Journalist Award was just handed to me instead of wasting the time going through the laborious process of an awards show. So I figured, why break that streak! So instead, I decided to come forward and admit to everyone something that has been on my mind for a while…

I like cars! No, really, I do. It’s pretty hard to believe, I know, but I really like cars. And quite contrary to what others think, I do not have a problem. I can stop buying and collecting cars whenever I want. I can. My affection for vehicles is more than just aesthetics; it is about owning power, owning freedom, owning something others cannot have. Obviously, in HTG, everyday citizens need cars for daily travel. There are no bus terminals. There are no sub-ways like in New York. There are no Els like in Chicago. Wow. We have a train station with two stops: Vancouver and Nevada. Two places that are really on the top of my list for travel, I can tell you.

I know what you are thinking right now: What about the airport? Well, have you been there lately? It’s closed. And for those not living in the ‘Bu (that’s slang for Malibu for you Valley dwellers) it’s restricted. So the only way out of HTG is by route of Sin City or through the frozen tundra of Canada. And again, I know what you’re thinking: What about by water? Yeah. The yacht club offers a ton of opportunities to untie form the docks and head out. But before you can leave the bay, you have to pass Bishop’s Terror Island. Being shot at by his goons is not a great way to head out on a vacation.

But a car, even with the gas prices the way they are, allows all HTG citizens an opportunity to see the city and beyond. There are no elitist clubs to join to own a car. There are no parts of town you have to live in to own a car. They are open to all classes of HTG citizens. (Well, not all classes. But those in the slums don’t count) There are even different types of vehicles that you can purchase to fit any budget.

If you are a little light on the cash and are really in the need for something to drive, head on over to the Plan 9 Used Car Dealership. While they offer a very limited number of vehicles, prices starting at just around $3 million are a steal. I frequent Plan 9 weekly to see if any new stock comes in. You never know when a down on his luck producer will need to sell his car just to get another spin at the casino.

If used is not your answer, then Rico’s Cool Cars is for you. Rico’s has something for everyone. You need to get a snowmobile for the heavy winter snows in the Valley? You are ‘green’ and feel the Prius is best for you, Rico’s has it. You don’t care about the environment, then check out the Escalade. Speed the most important thing in your life, then you cannot pass up the Porsche 911 GTI. I personally have them all since I never know what might happen or what mood I am going to be in.

My favorite place, which I frequent daily (sometimes several times a day), is the Classic Car Dealership. This is the place to really find what you are looking for. All the vehicles here are guaranteed one of a kind. No duplicates. Once it’s sold, it’s gone forever. You never know what might pop up. Just yesterday, before work, I checked it out and saw the same old cars there. I was expecting some money in from the work I did at The Times and was just doing a little price checking. Later, after work, amazingly a new car was there. It was none other than Tony Stark’s 2007 Audi R8 from Iron Man. No sooner than I saw that silver beauty sitting there, I went to the bank to make a small transaction. It was not cheap, let me be honest! You can buy several cars from both Rico’s and Plan 9 for the cost of one of these babies. But they are oh so worth it.

Right now, that silver beauty is sitting in my garage waiting for its turn on the HTG streets. And when I say garage, I don’t mean a small little attachment to my home, I mean a full size, 5-story garage – fifty-vehicle capacity. With my collection growing, I needed somewhere to put my cars and I had to turn to the city for help in getting this structure built. If you’re ever in the neighborhood, stop on by. It’s the structure with the giant 4-leaf clover logo on it. I might even give you a ride. Well, probably not, but you can ask.

Maybe I’ll see you around the dealerships. We can both add to our collections and see what type of deals we can get.
Oh, by the way! The 2007 Audi R8 I mentioned earlier was on the lot for five hours. That’s it. Just imagine if I had to work a little later, that beauty would be in some losers… I mean, citizen’s collection.

I don’t have a problem. Really, I don’t.