Archives: What’s Happening in HTG Town

Flip Brothers Studio, home to numerous successful releases in HTG Hollywood and the receiver of a number of awards throughout its history, has one more kudo to its credit. The studio has signed cult acting legend Bruce Campbell as a Friendly Talent.

Ritchie Steven goes over a contract with Bruce Campbell

With top 4 roles in profiting films “Crimson Moon”, “Night of the Squirrels” and “The Good, The Bad and The Harmer”, the “Evil Dead” icon became eligible for the status with the Flips. He is now willing to work with the studio at a reduced rate.

“We’re tickled to have Bruce become a closer part of our little part of the city,” announced a representative from FB Studio. “With his return in GBH2, we’re sure that our relationship will grow nothing but more strong.”

The offices of Happening are always open to the public. Today we were fortunate to be visited by a man from our great city. He had a lot on his mind.

“What’s the deal with basic spelling in this town?” he exclaimed. “Once again, a producer of an HTG film has misspelled words… right on the opening page of his film! Forget about the grammar. Forget about the punctuation. But, week after bloody week, there’s one word in particlular that’s not spelled correctly in the opening of films. It’s enough to drive me bonkers.”

What is that word?

“The word is its” the man continued. “Its. Basic, simple its. The possessive of the word it. Producers, web architects and so on keep spelling it it’s. WRONG. It’s is a contraction of it is. It is not the possessive of it.

“Example… ‘It’s a lovely day.’ That means ‘It is a lovely day.’ ‘A movie is the property of its writer’ indicates a possessive. Sure, the apostrophe is confusing. But it’s basic English. It’s so aggravating.”

The man had just a couple more things to say before he left the Happening offices.

“Producers should Google sites on how to distinguish its/it’s, your/you’re, there/their/they’re and so forth. It sure would keep my blood pressure in check. And it would make their presentations better. Thanks.”

Life for actress Winona Ryder continues to be disappointing. Recently a friend of Ryder’s explained to this HTG news source that the actress’ latest shoplifting episode was caused by her lack of work in HTG Hollywood. While some provided sympathy for Ryder’s circumstance, another in the city decided to take advantage of it.

“I’d offer her a role… in mah pants. BAM!”

Such was a declaration by mega-producer Bryan Bishop. According to a source in city hall, the Terror Island owner invited Ryder to his office at Checkmate Pictures to “audition” for a role. When it became clear that the appointment was only sexual in nature, the actress fled. Ryder’s lawyers have filed a lawsuit against the 10K Cases producer. Representatives from both parties have not returned calls asking about further details.

“I doubt that this will go any further,” guessed an HTG insider. “Bishop’s got some pull in town, especially with Mayor Harmer. I’m sure this will blow over quickly.”

Bryan Bishop’s latest film, Kansas, is currently in theatres.

Photo provided by Ritchie Steven

“He’s gone mad with power!”

That’s what one protestor exclaimed at a small gathering outside of the office of Mayor Chris Harmer early this morning. The group, who wished to remain anonymous, braved the cool morning to let passing citizens know of their disappointment in one of the mayor’s new policies.

“He’s spent a ton of our tax money already. He claims to be making a bunch of improvements, but where are they? I say he’s redecorating his mansion, that’s what. So you know what he’s doing? Raising taxes. On whom? The innocent heads of movie studios and TV networks, that’s who. What did they ever do to the mayor? They provide him plenty of work. They give us a lot of entertainment. To think that he’s taxing the chiefs for that is unfathomable.”

According to the group, the mayor plans to announce a new tax on studios and nets, beginning in April. At the end of the month, plus every month ending after, a tax will be levied on them. The amount of tax was not revealed.

“If the mayor’s greed ends up causing one of my favorite movie studios to close,” lamented one of the protestors, “there will be trouble, I can tell you.”

The office of Mayor Harmer has yet to officially announce the tax.

He’s the Mayor of HTG Hollywood. He’s an actor in both television and film. He’s what women want. He’s what men strive to be. And now he’s part of an action play set, coming soon to Mega Mart.

“Chris Harmer is a magnetic presence,” explained a representative of Decepticon Liberation Front, producers of the upcoming The Good, The Bad and The Harmer 2. “He burns up the set on GBH2. He runs the city. He makes public appearances. People can’t help but flock to him. Making a toy of our favorite HTG resident seems natural. We know that they’ll be flying off the shelves once they arrived.”

“We’ve already got a row in our toy department dedicated to this new play set,” explained Paul Ronpeil, manager of Mega Mart. “People are already starting to camp outside, waiting for their arrival. I hate to tell them that it won’t be until April. But they stay anyway. If you’re a Harmer fan, you’re a Harmer fan hardcore.”

The Good, The Bad and The Harmer 2, produced by Teufel, is a Flip Brothers Studio release scheduled for this Friday. Jay Roach directs.

It seems to be a time of disappointments. Winona Ryder was arrested again, with friends using her depression over lack of acting roles as an excuse. Penn got sacked from Dancing With the Stars. Richie Sambora got arrested for drunk driving. (Add that he isn’t sleeping with Heather Locklear any longer, the poor fellow has two marks against him.) And now it’s Oscar-winning actress Jodie Foster’s turn for sorrow.

“It’s really odd,” stated a friend of Foster’s recently. “She’s got superb acting skills. She can take on a wide variety of roles. But does the male-dominated HTG Hollywood find room for her? No. It’s almost as if you have to be a teen with large tits to get a job in this town.”

Disappointment in Jodie Foster’s lack of a career in HTG exploded after a recent article in HTG Dirty. EIC Dr. Dirty declared March to be the “Month of Foster.” Apparently the actress did not read the news story, mostly concerning the new Raptor Inc. film In Savage Hell, thoroughly. When she made it to the film set, eagerly waiting to see what she would be doing, she was given the bad news.

“Miss Foster was under the impression that she was hired to participate in the production of In Savage Hell,” explained a representative from Ship of Fooles Studio. “But it was Ben Foster who had landed a role in the movie. He plays Chandler, a member of the biker gang who terrorizes a small town. When Miss Foster realized her mistake, she went nuts. Current litigation forbids me to go into detail, but let me just say that there was a handgun involved and several security guards. Not a pretty scene.”

“You know how these things get blown out of proportion,” continued the friend of Foster. “It’s like these rumors that there’s a giant shark off the coast of the city. People will believe anything if it’s crazy enough.”

In Savage Hell, a Raptor Inc. (Quantum) production of a Ship of Fooles Studio film, opens this Friday.

The office of HTG Hollywood Mayor Chris Harmer has issued the following press release:

Until further notice, it is advised that residents of the city stay away from the coastal waters of HTG Hollywood. Numerous reports of an extremely large shark have been made to this office. While we have not confirmed these sightings yet, the number of calls dictates that we take the possible threat seriously. Under no circumstance should anyone enter the water south of the city, either by swimming or by craft. The mayor’s office will announce the result of its investigation as soon as possible.

The rumors that the alleged over-sized shark is the result of dastardly experiments by scientists on Bryan Bishop’s Island of Adventure are unwarranted.

In 2002, Winona Ryder was convicted of shoplifting after she was caught on camera stealing $6,000 worth of clothing from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. She was sentenced to three years probation and given 480 hours of community service to perform. Unfortunately, the sentence was not enough of a lesson for the actress.

Ryder, who has not appeared in an HTG project as of yet, recently set off the security alarm at a pharmacy after making some purchases. When she left the store, she set off an alarm that drew the attention of a security guard. An employee of the store stated “Winona had a bag of stuff, but she set off the theft alarm when she left the store. When a security guard stopped her, he found make-up she had not paid for. And when she was asked about the make-up, Winona answered ‘I don’t know how that happened.’ We took [the] unpaid items back and she left the store.”

Why would someone in Ryder’s position resort to habitual theft? A friend of the troubled star has a possible answer.

“Winona’s upset that she can’t find a role in HTG Hollywood,” commented the friend, who wished to remain anonymous. “Every time she thinks she’s got one, it doesn’t come to be. She was so sure she’d get the part of Shora Peram in Trax’s Star Wars film last year. But Rachel Bilson ended up getting the job. Winona eventually got over that. But when she heard that Trax is working on his next installment of his Star Wars trilogy, she snapped.”

Trax Star Productions recently announced that the next episode in the Star Wars saga, Episode XI: Mystery of the Sith, is preparing to enter production. After searching for the proper person to helm the project, it was decided that Joss Whedon will direct.

“The production team and the studio wanted to take the saga in a new direction,” mentioned a Trax Star representative. “Joss is the director to do it. It is unknown if he will direct the untitled Episode XII, however, the last episode in the new Trax trilogy.”

Advertising for the new feature will commence with a trailer (video on YouTube) on April 6th. Trax Star and Flip Brothers Studio had no response to queries concerning Winona Ryder.

Making movies isn’t always the easiest business. But for those special people who can make it through the process, it can be very rewarding. Raptor Inc., headed by young producer Quantum, is hoping that the rewards will be plentiful with his new film titled In Savage Hell. But, unfortunately, there have been difficulties during the production.

The Antoine Fuqua homage to 50’s biker films was inspired by Cassy’s short film challenge. In fact, it will be the last movie eligible for that challenge. It stars Viggo Mortensen, Ben Foster and MC Gainey as a motorcycle gang that terrorizes a small community.

“A real trailer park was trashed during filming,” confessed Quantum. “Needless to say, that upset the residents living there. The studio (Ship of Fooles) was almost sued. But the movie crew was able to do some quick repairs. And, with the promise of opening night movie tickets, we dodged the legal bullet.”

Other troubles also occured, but Quantum, SoF and Fuqua dealt with them as best as they could.

“Josh Holloway was cast as a character named Crews,” explained Q-ball, “but he was written out because of a fight he had with our star, Viggo Mortensen. We were all set to have biker movie veteran Larry Bishop direct, but he had to opt out because of ‘creative differences.’ Another talent we lost early on was Ed Norton. He almost had the lead role, but couldn’t come on board because of promoting issues with the D&D movie out now.”

But does Quantum think that all the problems was worth it?

“Oh, definitely. We’re really excited about this one.”

In Savage Hell, a Ship of Fooles Release of a movie by Raptor Inc. (Quantum) opens this following Friday.

The state of Kansas has been home to numerous famous individuals. Western figures Wyatt Earp, Wild Bill Hickcok and Bat Masterson are natives to the state. Historical luminaries Dwight D. Eisenhower, Amelia Earhart and Bob Dole called Kansas home. Sports stars Gale Sayers, Wilt Chamberlain and Barry Sanders played some of their best games in the state. Esteemed journalists Bill Kurtis, John Cameron Swayze and William Allen White got their starts at home in Kansas. A number of entertainers, from Fatty Arbuckle to Kirstie Alley to Dennis Hopper, hail from the Sunflower State.

And, coincidentally (?) so does the EIC of this news source.

So it’s Happening’s pleasure to see that the new film from Bryan Bishop, Kansas, is receiving thumbs up from moviegoers in HTG Hollywood. The lone review of the film (as of this writing) mentions “I can honestly say that I have never seen a film like this, either virtually or in real life.” With words such as “fantastic” and “true original” describing the movie, it appears that Bishop has another hit on his hands.

But all is not peaches and cream for the release of the film. Miracle Pictures chief Marlowe has a complaint about the use of artwork on the movie’s cast page.

“It’s happened again,” began the disappointed Marlowe this morning at his studio office at the eastern edge of the city. “I put in some effort on something, then bam! No credit. Everywhere you go through this town, you see bylines accrediting people who’ve given effort on various things. But not to ol’ Marlowe. Nosiree.”

Apparently the objects of contention are the use of two cast pictures for Kansas… those for Matthew Trixie and producer Bryan Bishop, who both appear in the film.

“The pic for Matt is one that I did for our highly successful release Americatown last year” Marlowe explained. “And the one of Bish is stolen from a story on Happening. Heck, it’s been stolen a couple times before. The movie database uses it as Bishop’s avatar, plus Lucian has used it for his TCW portrait for Hawaiian Bryan. But do I get any credit? Nope. Not even a penny has been sent my way. I dunno. Why go to the effort if it’s just going to be stolen? I just don’t know.”

Litigation may begin soon concerning the use of the two pictures on the Kansas site. Marlowe has not decided yet what course of action to pursue.

Kansas, a Flip Brothers release of a film by Bryan Bishop, is now in theatres.