Archives: What’s Happening in HTG Town

Within an hour of posting our last story warning HTG Hollywood about the goings on at Bryan Bishop’s “Island of Torture and Terrorism”, an anonymous source forwarded us the following photograph.

It is, of course, a picture of Bishop with one of the most fiendish murderers of history, Joseph Stalin. The question is, how can the two men be shown together, when Stalin was reported dead in 1953? And what association would the two have?

The Happening staff will remain on top of this investigation and report what it discovers.

We here at What’s Happening in HTG Town take pride in knowing what is, well, happening in our fair city. Sometimes we miss the ball. We are, after all, a busy group of fellas. But, quite often, we are able to spot something that is worthy of mention to the citizens of HTG Hollywood. Hence, the purpose of this news source, right?

Something has developed in recent HTG history. And the consequences of this something has gone unnoticed to most. What is it? All you have to do is drive to the west end of Hepburn Lane, or perhaps to the city docking area past the HTG Records Building. Look south/southwest. What do you see?

An island has recently been occupied off the shore of HTG Hollywood. An innocent real estate purchase? Hardly. HTG citizens, the island is a staging point for the invasion of our city!

Hawaiian Bryan’s Adventure Island. Bryan Bishop’s Island. Meaningless titles. What it should have been called is Bryan Bishop’s Imperialist Island of Torture and Terrorism.

Photographers who have managed to venture close enough to the island without being “detained” by Bishop’s armed and uniformed security force have provided frightening evidence that what is going on at the island is far from peaceful. An Imperial Guard Tower marks the northeast corner of the island. At that point Bishop’s security can spot boaters approaching the island. If any get too close, they are rounded up by armed vessels brandishing the Bishop Imperialist flag. Granted, many detained visitors to the island have stated that they were merely questioned concerning possible trespassing and adventure copywrite infringement. But, according to some individuals too frightened to approach HTG Hollywood authorities, some of the citizens brought in by Bishop’s security have not been released. Shades of Cuba? Communist China?

Photographs of Bishop’s private airstrip near the eastern edge of the island show armored gunships with the same Imperialist flag painted on the sides. Experts have been shown the photos and point out that the attack helicopters are each armed with a 30 mm M230 chain gun and carry a mixture of AGM-114 Hellfire and Hydra 70 rockets on four hard points mounted on its stub-wing pylons. Tourist vehicles? Of course not. These helicopters are meant for war.

No one has been able to visit the south side of the island and return. Rumors of troop barracks and training facilities are significant. Is Bishop doing more than developing a defensive security force for his new home? Is the megaproducer training an army?

The Happening staff says yes. Bryan Bishop intends on invading HTG Hollywood. With the city government in less than stable condition since the resignation of Mayor Adam West, now would be the time to take advantage. Bishop has been spotted at Club Siberia on at least two occasions mentioning what he would do if he was in charge of the city. “Oh, they shall see” he remarked, according to one club employee who has since moved away from town.

HTG citizens need to prepare for the worst. And the authorites should take action to prevent a megalomaniac from doing irreversible harm to HTG Hollywood. Will the new mayor be able to thwart such action? We shall see.

Beware Bryan Bishop’s Island.

Hey folks. I keep track of my picks for awards season as I read films. With only a few weeks to go here’s my picks for awards so far in what turns out to be a pretty thin season in some categories. I can only muster two picks in the supporting actress category.

Best New Producer
PolgaraTrax
Daniel Thomas

Supporting Male
Billy Bob Thornton, Americatown
Willem Dafoe, Money
Michael Cera, Until 5

Supporting Actress
Ann Sheridan, Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street
Abigail Breslin, An Adventure With Larry and Jon

Best Director
Sam Mendes, Americatown
Tim Burton, Over The Rainbow
Martin Scorsese, Money
Judd Apatow, Until 5
Raoul Walsh, Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street

Best Journalist
Marlowe
RS

Best Critic
Lucian
Hugo / Mr. Bungle

Best Soundtrack
Beautiful Thing: Life in Rothersilewhatever
A Conversation About Mark
Until 5

Best Ad Campaign
Over The Rainbow
Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street

Best Site
Americatown
Over The Rainbow
Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street
Until 5

Best Poster
Over The Rainbow
Money
Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street
Until 5

The Best Creative Company
Trax
Sureshot
Mac

Best Actress
Cate Blanchett, Money
Catherine O’Hara, Ode to Tennessee
Hedy Lamarr, Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street

Best Actor
Ewan McGregor, Money
Edgar G. Robinson, Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street

Best Cast
Over The Rainbow
Puneet
Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street

Best Cinematography
Americatown
Over The Rainbow
Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street

Best Adapted Screenplay
Bannion
Durham Red
Inherit The Wind
A Boy At War
Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street

Best Original Screenplay
Over The Rainbow
Money
Americatown

Best Producer
Bryan Bishop
Sureshot

Best Picture
Americatown
Over The Rainbow
Money
Women Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street

Pamela Lee Rock Salamander Anderson has found herself thrust into the spotlight again, this time as a candidate for HTG Hollywood Mayor. In his “Vote for caring!” campaign, manager Rotor hopes that beauty will bring in the votes.

“Caring? Ha!” exclaimed Marlowe, campaign manager for Indy competitor Chuck Norris. “The only thing that dye-job bimbo cares about is herself. Besides, does she really want to be mayor? Look at how serious she has taken her marriages! How many minutes do they last? Just recently she declared that she was divorcing her latest husband-of-the-day, Rick Samalamadingdong, or whatever the name is. Now she’s not. I bet within the week the divorce is back on. That’s what happened to Kid Rock. That’s what happened to Tommy Lee. Am I leaving anyone out? It’s hard to remember who was a husband of hers and who she just gave an STD to. Rotor used the expression “Vote for openness” in his first ad for his candidate. There’s nothing more open in HTG Hollywood than Pam Anderson’s legs.”

Recent picture of Indy candidate Pam Anderson

*This release was composed by the campaign manager of a competitor of Pamela Anderson’s. And Rotor’s a swell guy. Really. He sent me brownies for Christmas. Hmm… Doesn’t he know that I’m diabetic? Oh, that rascal!

With only a few days before the deadline to schedule a movie for the last Friday of 2007, Miracle Pictures has added Andrew Newman’s The Last Town on Earth to the December 28 slot. The Top Hat Production feature will face stiff competition with the TCW PPV titled Where Angels Fear to Tread.

Why the late addition? It took weeks for producer Newman and MP head Marlowe to iron out a contract.

“With the success of Dusk,” Marlowe informed us, “Newman’s wanting more of the proceeds from his films. I kept telling him that he’s already getting the maximum profit allowed by HTG Hollywood law, but he would never listen. It took a team of lawyers and a visit to the law library to set him straight. But MP wanted to give Andrew another opportunity at 2007 awards gold. Last Town will show of his skills one more time this year.”

Will the little time for advertising hurt Last Town’s success?

“The Last Town on Earth is a smaller, quieter film,” continued Marlowe. “It doesn’t have an A-list cast, though everyone will recognize it. Keep an eye out for further advertising to see who is in the film.”

And the rumor that Newman’s black eye was the result of a Miracle Pictures negotiation session?

“I think Andrew got that shiner at the Club Siberia backroom. I would never resort to violence myself. I only believe in that stuff on the screen.”

The Last Town on Earth, plus TCW Where Angels Fear to Tread, both open on December 28.

With only a handful of days remaining to file candidates for the office of HTG Hollywood Mayor, it appears that Chuck Norris is the only person taking the race seriously.

“His campaign manager has been the only guy promoting his candidate,” remarked one HTG citizen during an early morning meet and greet at Norris Campaign HQ.

“I think the others are too scared to run against him,” pondered another.

With the due date to suggest candidates being the end of December 21, will more mayor hopefuls be added? Will others begin to advertise? Or will it be the Year of Norris?

“It’s a fact,” commented Norris campaign manager Marlowe. “Chuck’s the best candidate. Anyone who disagrees deserves a quick roundhouse to the head.”

Now that the primary candidates are lining up for the HTG Hollywood mayor race, mud is beginning to fly. Two men have taken their places on the Blue Party ticket so far. Both of them are on-the-talent-list HTG citizens (players)… Canadian heartthrob Chris Harmer and Texas badboy Bryan Bishop.

Although Teufel, campaign manager for Harmer, was not reachable at the time of this report, a worker at campaign headquarters was more than willing to discuss Chris’ run for office.

“He’s the dreamy candidate, that’s for sure” remarked the eager volunteer. “I don’t know yet what he stands for, but if his platform has anything to do with those dreamy eyes of his, he’ll win by a landslide.”

Bryan Bishop, running his own mayoral race, is being more forward with his tactics.

“I’m going to squash Harmer like a bug” the candidate snarled at a recent press conference. “We don’t need a mayor who can barely build up the steam to get out of bed in the morning. We need someone in the office who will get the job done 24/7. I’m a multiple Best Producer winner! My movies have made me a billionaire! I own my own private island! Harmer’s going down. And I don’t mean it in the fun way.”

Entrants to the newest HTG Town Event are still open through December 21. All citizens are invited to sign up on the HTG message board.

Ship of Fooles has recently found itself at the top of the box office again with the release of Money, a Sweet Angel film starring Cate Blanchett and Ewan McGregor. The Martin Scorsese movie raked in an impressive 60 million dollars on its opening week.

Happening staff members thought that the figure was a little high. What sort of influence was used to bring in that much money? According to SoF studio chief Lucian Carter, the result was just due to hard work, a good product and recent box office history.

Apparently the lack of multiple releases per week has weakened the BO for older films, dropping their numbers. And, with thumbs up coming from Money viewers, the film is expected to gain even more.

“We’re pleased, to say the least” commented a SoF source. “With the added success of What Chaplin Said, it looks like SA is on a roll.”

Upon further investigation, however, Happening reporters have discovered a possible further explanation into the long ticket lines to see Money.

“People thought we were actually giving away money” laughed the manager of one of HTG Hollywood’s fine theatres. “Some believed that they were waiting to use an ATM. I guess having a sign up advertising ‘Money’ was a bit confusing. At least very few people complained about a deception.”

“I stood in a line expecting to get some cash to go to the track” gasped one movie goer. “Instead, I ended up buying a soda, some Jujyfruits and a tub of popcorn too big to eat. Man, am I confused.”