Archives: What’s Happening in HTG Town

Dead air is the bane of a TV net chief’s work. Dead air is an empty space in the schedule where nothing is shown. That means no income for the network.

“We most certainly don’t want that,” explained a staff member of Rogue Net, one of the three television networks available to HTG TV viewers. “This is a business. Businesses exist to make money. To not make money is, well, foolish.”

Rogue Net chief Lucian Carter is anxious to keep dead air off of his schedule. With the loss of one show from a missing producer, Tuesday nights for RN are proving a scramble for something to fill an hour. On week three, the late hour presented a showing of the movie Static, “Ship of Fooles’ innovative and disturbing film” starring Steve Buscemi. (Ship of Fooles, a mega-company including studio, productions and casting, is also operated by Lucian.)

Fortunately for Rogue Net, a temporary solution to the dead air monster has been found. The network has secured the broadcast rights to Critical, Roman Holiday Weekend and Royal Treatment. The three short films were entrants in the short film festival in 2006.

“That’s a load off of Lucian’s back,” continued the RN staffer. “In three week’s time, you never know what new series will emerge. Or some things might be juggled around. Who knows? As long as we don’t have dead air, the network can continue making money. And I can get paid, hehe.”

Network heads from Hand Made TV and Rogue Net are banging heads. This time, however, it’s not because of ratings. It’s about the use of one chief on a television show presented by the competitor.

The latest episode of Sparks, running Thursday evening on HMTV, includes a guest appearance by Rogue Net leader Lucian Carter. Even the mention of the network was made. This came as a complete surprise to Lucian. He had not granted permission for this.

“You are supposed to get a player’s permission before casting them in something,” commented Lucian during a pause in one of his numerous daily smoke breaks. “I was not asked about appearing in Sparks.”

“Yes, this is against the laws of HTG Hollywood,” stated Talent Admin Marlowe. “Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time that this has happened. I, for example, was used on a Flip Brothers project last year without my consent. After many months of bickering, I was finally compensated. I don’t think that the Flips will be using my likeness without my permission again. Let’s just say that I know where some of the skeletons are buried. You remember Urkel and the incident at Ritchie’s pool house, right?”

Hand Made co-chief Trax was less than apologetic.

“I assumed Mac had asked you,” Trax remarked, holding the regrets until all of the facts can be established.

“I don’t think that this will go far,” concluded Lucian. “I just wish for justice to be done. If I have to call the Mounties in to save the day, I will. I have nothing against Mac, but why should I add my star power to a rival network?”

Fans of HTG Hollywood information are rejoicing with the release of the latest issue of The Pit, the Flash-based ‘zine from PJ Flip. Matters from upcoming films to current television shows (and one not current) to HTG talents are covered.

“That is (expletive deleted) cool!” exclaimed one happy HTG Chat visitor.

All HTG citizens are invited to contribute articles to the editor during the next call. When asked about when that will be, EIC PJ had one simple answer.

“Hi.”

By guest reporter Randy Jackson

Sparks is back, dawg. You heard me. I ain’t speaking in no pitchy voice. I’m telling you, dawg, Sparks is back.

Let me lay it down on you, dawg. Hand Made Television Network cancelled the show. No kidding, dawg. But the producer, that dawg we call Mac, put some hard work into it, so he got those HMTV dawgs to keep it around. Good for you, dawg.

On Thursday, dawg, Mac promises an “explosive” new episode. Get it, dawg? Anyway, he says that we won’t want to miss “the boldest move by any series.” What does that mean, dawg? Is he replacing the cast? Is he changing the format? C’mon, dawg, a man has to know these things.

I guess if it keeps my main dawg, LL Cool J, around, I’ll be happy. Straight from the heart, dawg. I’m looking forward to seeing what Mac has cooked up.

Boom, dawg.

Rogue Net Television has announced a new television series in its Tuesday lineup. A medieval fantasy from Emerald Pictures, the new show is called Fazad. What’s the show about?

“Beats me,” replied a Rogue Net source. “It’s a last minute addition. I guess we’ll see very soon what the thing’s about.”

So far, the advertising for Fazad is minimal:

Starring

Kipote………….Liam Aiken
Olsda…………..Brittney Wilson
Might Baotax…Leonard Nimoy
Queen Jailyn….Morena Baccarin
Razzi……………Rupert Grint
Wyba……………Hayden Pantierre

Morena Baccarin, Stargate SG-1 guest and Firefly alum, was chosen in the late hours to appear as Queen Jailyn. Having the casting decisions handed to him by the producer, Rogue Net head Lucian Carter scrambled to find the right woman for the role.

“Calls went out to a number of actresses with a Talent Score of 2 or less,” the Rogue source stated. “We needed someone who could pull of regal, but had that something extra that would make the young male demographic tune in every week. I think we lucked out.”

Fazad opens Tuesday night on Rogue Net Television.

Hotshot critic DCE was arrested by HTG Hollywood police on Monday evening after a neighbor called to complain about music blaring from the mansion at 44 Howard Lane. When the police arrived, they found DCE dancing around in the buff and playing bongo drums. A CD of Gary Numan’s New Wave classic Cars was blaring repeatedly on the critic’s sound system.

DCE decided to plead guilty to violating HTG Hollywood’s noise ordinance. He was not fined, but ordered to seek therapy for his automobile fixation.

“I can’t help it,” confessed the HTG resident. “I like cars. Lots of cars. When I can buy more, I will. I realize that it’s an obsession, but what’s wrong with that? Some people collect pets. There’s a guy who collects bobbleheads. I collect cars.”

As of this writing early Tuesday evening, loud music has not been heard from the DCE mansion again.

A small selection of DCE’s car collection, many of which were
purchased at the Classic Car Lot on HTG Hollywood’s Hitchcock Lane.

Life has been good for Mark Chua. The HTG Hollywood hotshot has his own arthouse studio. His work is respected, picking up awards at the recent Carsons. He has a movie coming out this Friday based on him (kinda). And recently he bought a mansion that’s the envy of others in the neighborhood. How has the new house been treating the beloved resident?

“Mr. Chua is enjoying the good life that he so rightfully deserves,” stated a Nu/Art Studio rep during a recent visit. “People admire him. People want to be with him. The mansion provides him a location to relax, to get out of the daily grind that is HTG Hollywood.”

When asked if life at the celestial mansion was always peaceful, the representative grinned.

“I guess you heard that Mr. Chua has Clive Owen staying at his pool house. It’s a convenient arrangement for both men. Clive gets a place to stay and Mr. Chua gets an actor who will work for him for free, as long as his Talent Score remains below 4.”

(Mansion pool house guests are limited at 4 TS. Large houses, 3; medium houses 2; small houses 1.)

“The crazy thing,” continued the rep, “is that Clive likes his guns. He has quite the collection. He runs around the property at odd hours of the night, shooting at random things. That’s not a great idea, because, among other things, Mr. Chua has a pet elephant roaming the property. It cost Mr. Chua twenty million dollars. That’s worth more than a houseguest, if you know what I mean.”

Mark’s “hot tub babe” is not entertained by Clive’s nocturnal activity.

“It’s all rather foolish,” Dame Judi Dench commented. “It is quite difficult to get into a good game of Dungeons and Dragons with that racket going on outside. But, if it makes him happy, so be it.”

There are few franchises in HTG Hollywood that are on the level of Superman. The superhero icon has been around for years in various media forms, thrilling audiences and captivating imaginations. When Superman 2, the sequel to the Flip Brothers/Kris Greet production of Superman: The Last Son of Krypton, was announced, moviegoers waited anxiously for news on the film.

And, despite one ad featuring an exciting action montage and a pic of Kevin Spacey as Lex Luther, that news has not been coming. Superman fans have been crying for information. One man, in fact, has been protesting outside of the Flip Brothers Studio gate for days, demanding his fix for Superman news.

“It’s no fair,” exclaimed the man, who did not wish to be named. “It’s Superman, for crying out loud. Are the Flips going to rely on it being Superman to generate buzz? That won’t do them any good. We need the info. Give it to us!”

Fortunately for the man and numerous other Superman fans, a second advertisement has been given for the upcoming film. This one features Jimmy Olsen, portrayed by Shawn Ashmore.

“I knew that they’d come out with more when they could,” remarked one lovely young fan, adorned in her favorite Superman T-shirt. “People just have to be patient. I’m sure more ads will be shown in the coming weeks, too.”

A representative from FB promised more information soon when it was available.

Competing for the September 21st slot are two other films, Bryan Bishop’s comedic drama Until Five, plus the newly announced Area 51 from 21st Century Kitty.

“It’s going to be an exciting weekend for us movie fans,” proclaimed one young man admiring the previously mentioned Superman fan. “I might have to clear my slate for a few days.”

On the heels of an announcement that shook a part of the HGTV community, Hand Made TV Network has just come forward with more changes to their lineup. After cancelling some shows on Tuesday, putting one on hiatus and bringing in others, net chiefs Trax and Quantum are proving that Thursday is not invulnerable to change as well.

As posted by Quantum:

“HMTV has decided to revamp there current schedule. This was due to poor ratings, real life schedules, and unfulfilled agreements. Thursdays will now have a locked schedule. This schedule includes switched time slots, new shows, and a couple of ‘enhancements’.”

After some heat brought by Mac the Movieguy over the cancellation of his show Sparks on Tuesday, HMTV is returning the explosive show early on Thursday.

“You can’t kill Sparks,” proclaimed the ever-productive Mac. “It’s an impossibality.”

Rounding out the Thursday schedule is Babylon, another show from Mac; Defenders of the Realm moving later an hour; and the return of the classic Tales of Cybertron from Teufel.

Will these schedule changes be what HMTV needs to be on the top of the competitive HTGTV ratings?

“I’m really excited about these shows,” an HMTV assistant informed us. “We’re providing some quality programs — shows that the viewers want. Things will only get better as Season 3 continues.”

HTG Hollywood mega-producer Bryan Bishop has just purchased his way onto the talent listing. An option available for a mere $100 million, this now allows the Talent Score of Bish to rise and fall.

“It’s something that’s long overdue,” stated an insider familiar with the workings of 10,000 Cases Productions. “Bryan has been in a number of productions… Dick Tracy, that Mango movie, Eat Sh*t and Die, even the recent dramatic hit Americatown. Now he’s going for some larger roles. He deserves all of the recognition that the listing will get him.”

Currently featured in TCW Wrestling, the Thursday night sports entertainment program by Lucian Carter on Rogue Net, Hawaiian Bryan will have the opportunity at the next PPV to earn a championship belt. Despite not being in as good of shape as the other performers on the show, Bryan’s high-risk moves and determination have catapulted him to the top of the TCW world.

What’s next for the newly listed actor?

“I hear that he’s selling himself out to whomever will have him,” stated the 10K source. “He’ll do comedy, drama, action, even romance. As long as he gets his opportunity to star, he’ll be there.”

“Hire Bishop?” replied Miracle Pictures chief Marlowe when told of the news. “I guess, if the role was right. I wouldn’t have him replace Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt or anything like that. But there’s probably a starring spot out there for him somewhere.”

Who is he?
Teufel is an HTG Hollywood long-time resident in charge of such productions as Vendetta and Tales of Cybertron.

Where does he live?
Teufel lives in this swingin’ mansion here.

He has copies of both Jaws 3D and Glitter in his film library?
Yup.

That is so cool!
Indeed.

What does “Teufel” really mean?
Wet puppy dog in need of a Snausage.

And now to the questions for our guest of honor:

What are you having for dinner?
Rice, pork and vegetables.

Will we be seeing more Pizza Tycoon?
That depends on whether there is a demand for it or not.

What’s in your pockets right now?
Lint, twenty-seven cents and a Captain Fantastic keychain with my car keys.

Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks?
Shaft!

What company invented cheese in a can?
Nabisco.

Thanks for your time.
Sure, no problem.

HTG Hollywood original Sureshot has returned to the scene with a new blog and the same get-it-done attitude that makes him one of HTG’s elite. The site features a nice link section, an about section for people not in the know with the UK citizen, plus a look at his next film.

Quoting the blog:

Our next project “Women, Politics and Murder: Death on Pine Street” releases on Sept 7th via Ship of Fooles. Based on a short story by the granddaddy of crime fiction “Dashiell Hammett” — first published in a 1924 issue of Black Mask Magazine – and features his most celebrated character “The Continental Op”. Here, the Continental Op investigates the murder of a San Francisco politician-contractor, who was shot with a .38 in Pine Street, between Jones and Leavenworth. Edward G. Robinson takes the title role, supported by two amazingly talented femmes, Hedy Lamarr and Ann Sheridan. Sureshot Inc and Ship Of Fooles are using the Htg Classic Award to release this film. Read more about this project at it’s official blog Behindthe8ball.

The staff at Happening wishes Sureshot good luck with its endeavors and suggests a visit to his blog. (And check out the links to the right.)

Ship of Fooles Studio is making the transition from arthouse lot to full studio with the release of a second movie in as many weeks. Now available for buzz voting, The Walking Dead: Days Gone Bye is the new horror feature from Hugo (aka Mr. Bungle).

The Walking Dead is a story centered around a small-town police officer from Kentucky named Rick Grimes (Jim Caviezel), his family and a number of other survivors who have banded together in order to avoid the inevitable feeding frenzy of the undead after the world is overrun with zombies. Fighting growing despair — and occasionally each other — the group searches for a secure location which they can finally call home.

The Danny Boyle film also stars Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly and Liam Aiken. It is Hugo’s second feature release, following his successful Sherlock Holmes release in February.

“It’s a captivating tale,” SoF chief Lucian Carter informed us. “The stress of getting to safety is well developed through the flick. I think HTG Hollywood will be pleased with it.”

When asked if the release of a Boyle zombie movie conflicted with a possible Ninjas Vs. Spacemen Vs. Zombies film for early next year, Lucian shook his head.

“Don’t worry. You haven’t seen the last zombie coming from the Ship of Fooles lot.”

Police have been called to the main office of Club Siberia after a phone call was placed by anxious staff late Saturday evening. Blood splatters were found near the desk of long-time club manager Leo Piotti.

“We hadn’t seen Leo all night,” reported a nervous club employee. “He’s been rather nervous as of late. I sure hope nothing bad has happened to him.”

All Club Siberia staff members were questioned, but the police do not have any true leads as of yet. The results of a search of Piotti’s home has not been announced outside of police sources.

Until a new manager can be found, special employee Honolulu Lou Baxter will be taking over at the club. Lou could not be reached for comment.

“We had just started an interesting retro act at the club,” remarked a club staffer. “Too bad Leo can’t take part of the fun. I hope he’s okay and returns soon.”

It took only one week for network executives at Hand Made TV to come to the decision to revamp their weekly schedule. Mentioning sinking ratings and a tight real life schedule, net assistant Quantum announced the following changes to HMTV Tuesday nights:

CANCELLED SHOWS

SPARKS
and
PLAY D’OH

ON HIATUS

REACTIONS

NEW/RETURNING SHOWS

NEW CASANOVAS
and
J*A*G

Quantum mentioned that there would be an announcement concerning Thursday’s shows soon.

The announcement, though, did not sit well with Sparks producer Mac the Movieguy. Despite his successes with Atlantis and Mutant Academy, Mac’s “all or nothing” attitude showed during a recent press conference.

“I love finding out my show got cancelled in a thread,” Mac began, “rather than a PM, especially after having a discussion with the net head about revamping the show to make it lower cost with a bunch of no name actors. Then I love the fact that it pulled 0.2 points lower than Red and Blue which stays on the air worry-free. Someone told me that Red and Blue had lead in problems. If that applies there, than it applies to Sparks and Play D’oh as well. Play D’oh was almost 2 rating points below Sparks, but Sparks found a way to get that audience back in the timeslot. But, I guess Sparks has to be the whipping boy.”

Mac concluded his conference with a song. The talented singer gave a hats off to Elvis with his rendition of “Can’t Stop Loving You.”

“I’m not all business,” confessed Mac. “I like to have fun as much as the next guy.”

“You better not be pulling this sh*t when September rolls around!”

Tempers flared during a brief conversation Friday night in HTG Chat. Miracle Pictures head Marlowe became upset when he discovered that one of his favorite producers, Matthew Trixie, was slacking lately when it came to his writing. On the release calendar for September is the Mattricks drama At the Bottom of Everything, directed by David O. Russell and starring Billy Crudup and Amy Adams. With the release date of AtBoE drawing near, Mattricks confessed that he had fallen behind in his writing of the film. In fact, Matt had been partying for most of the day on Friday.

“My little sisters are gone for the weekend,” the Americatown producer began, “so we’ve been smoking pot since 3 this afternoon. I’ve made french fries five times.”

Matthew Trixie and friends between batches of fries

After going back and forth for some time, however, Marlowe and Matthew came to a reasonable compromise.

“I like to have projects in the can with plenty of time before release,” explained Marlowe. “But if Matt needs to take a break now and then, that’s fine. I just don’t want him to make these all-day fun fests a habit. Miracle Pictures is depending on Matt to come out with another high quality product. At the Bottom of Everything will be that product, as long as Matt remembers to keep on top of it.”

By Lucian Carter (still the producer of Puneet, opening this weekend!)

Wild speculation over who would win week 1 had the smart money on Downtown. But it was Mac The Movieguy’s new show Mutant Academy that topped the ratings at 12.1. Rogue Net airs the animated series at 8 p.m. Tuesdays.

Riding on the lead in of Mutant Academy Alex Love’s series Conversations tied for second overall with an 11.5 rating. Also scoring an 11.5 is Ritchie Steven’s Horror Hour. Downtown, RS’s other series scored a 10.8 falling behind Green Lantern (11.2) on the overall ratings.

Also coming in at above 10 ratings was Crosspoint (10.3) from Bryan Bishop. Mac had other reasons to be happy as Atlantis scored solidly in the ratings in its double billed premier. Atlantis scored an 8.9 rating on Tuesday and improved to 9.1 in its regular Tuesday timeslot. But not all the news was good for Mac as Enough debutted to a meager 6.6 and Sparks was worse at 6.5.

At the bottom of the ratings were the premier of Play D’oh (4.2) and the theatrical broadcast of Sureshot’s award winning film The Sweet Forever (4.7). However since The Sweet Forever only had ad budgets to pay it should still turn a decent profit for Handmade TV.

CTTV is set up as the network to beat winning Thursday outright and tieing with Rogue Net for first on Tuesday.

Sources at Rogue Net expect the Tuesday first place to be short lived as in week 2 a made-for-TV movie, Washed Up!, airs from the 9-11 slot. But with Mutant Academy and Conversations scoring big Rogue Net has more reasons to be happy this season. Hand Made TV suffers from the newbie curse and has been relegated to last place as Rogue Net, last season’s new kid on the block was at this time last season. Rogue Net has already optioned a new show from Aussie T but no word yet on whether this means something else will be cancelled.

By Lucian Carter, producer of Puneet (opening this weekend!)

A Superbad new addition has arrived at the Classic Car Dealership. The 1992 Ford Crown Victoria from Superbad is now available for purchase for 19 million dollars. The two special cars from Transformers have already sold out and not been replaced so if you want this car you better act fast. As usual a full selection of cars is also on display for purchase.

The Superbad cop car replaces the 1976 Oldsmobile Delta 88 from 8 Mile purchased by yours truly and now parked at the Yacht Club. This car was revealed to add a bonus million dollars to production of all musical films.

Superbad is an R-rated comedy written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg. The film is directed by former television director Greg Mottola and is produced by Judd Apatow, previously known for producing The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up. It stars Jonah Hill, Michael Cena, debuting teen actor Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Bill Hader from SNL as well as Rogen himself as the two cops who drive the car now on sale.

This reporter saw Superbad and gave it a solid thumbs-up.

The excitement was obvious among the gatherers at the Creative Threat TV press conference on Thursday afternoon. The schedule for the night had been finalized. Would net head PJ Flip have anything new to offer? But it was PJ’s brother, Ritchie Steven, who came to the podium to make the special announcement.

“We are pleased to announce that Thursday night for CTTV,” began RS, “will have the same quality programming as you all are accustomed to.”

The dark-headed exec grinned.

“Let me ask you… are you all ready for some more Roads?”

The initial murmurs became rumblings of approval. What exactly did Ritchie mean?

“We are pleased to announce,” RS continued, “that famed producer Pedro of Baseball Mogul Productions has written a segment for this week’s Horror Hour. It is a followup to Pedro’s film Eat Sh*t and Die, which introduced the tough monster hunter Roads Masterson. Luke Perry returns as Roads, along with the regular cast of Horror Hour. Also, there’s a special guest for this episode. Tune in to find out.”

And with that, RS left the podium. Calls for the name of the special guest were unanswered. Speculation was that the guest would be none other than comedian/actor Pauly Shore. Pauly potrayed Jizzmopper in the original feature.

Pauly Shore and TMNT shirt purchased at HTG Comic Shop

“No, I’m not in this,” Pauly complained during a phone call later that afternoon. “The ungrateful bastards didn’t even ask me if I wanted to be in this story. How can they have a Roads movie without the Jizzmopper? It doesn’t make any sense.”

When reminded that his character was killed at the conclusion of Eat Sh*t and Die, Shore hung up the telephone.

Horror Hour is a part of the CTTV line-up on Thursday nights. Tune in to see who the special guest turns out to be.