Toast Ends “Super” Launch Party on a “Darker” Note Drunkenness Blamed by Authorities
By Rambosus
HOLLYWOOD, CA (Rambosus News Services) — With the rising revenues of superhero-themed films over the past decade, there has been a corresponding increase in the elaborateness of their launch parties. The soiree celebrating the impending release of The Darker Side of Superheroes was no exception.
The stars began arriving at around 9pm, and they represented much of Hollywood’s A-list. From Scientology “it-couple” Tom and Katie to resurgent stars such as William Shatner and rising talk-show host Chuck Norris, it truly was an event that had to be seen to believe.
The highlight of the party, however, may have been when Darker Side co-star James Franco made his final toast of the evening. Witnesses report that he had been drinking heavily immediately prior to proposing the
toast, noting his slurred speech and the telltale odor of vomit that followed him around the room. Shortly before midnight Franco rang the toast bell.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m so damn happy right now that I could just kill the world!” exclaimed the normally brooding actor.
Pandemonium briefly ensued before Darker Side super-villain Patrick Stuart (aka Odium) managed to restore order by assuring those guests who had not yet fled that any plans to “kill the world” would not commence
until after the night’s festivities had ended.
The remaining guests resolved to “party hardy for the sake of every man, woman, and child on Earth,” in the words of one British rock star attendee who asked not to be identified, as he had earlier been seen making out with a woman who was not his wife, the lovely and talented Ms. Gwen Stefani.
Franco’s agent later claimed that his client had been tragically misquoted, his slurred speech having masked the intended desire to “kiss the world”. Franco himself was not available for comment, as he was undergoing what was described as an “enforced Justice League debriefing” at the time the article went to press.
